A living wintergirl
by ladorable97
Summary: Lia is a seventeen years old teenager. She gets out of rehab after a year of been locked up. Her parents send her to France for her summer holidays, at her grandparents' house. Boys, parties, alcohol, cigarette, dance, music, festival, sex, love, heartbreak,... She is going to discover a whole new world while also handling her disorders.
1. Chapter 1

**I just wanna start off by saying that this fanfiction is a book fanfiction. I just finished reading Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson who's an amazing writer ! And I loved the way it ended. I also believe that this book needs to be continued. I wanna know more about the book's character, named Lia, therefore I am writting this fanfiction. I took the character from the book, she has the same struggles, the same family,...etc but I kinda changed her to make it mine. **

**I hope you enjoy it ! If you do, let me know so I keep writting more chapters !**

 _1_ _st_ _Chapter_

My name is Lia I am 17 years old. My mother is Chloe, my father is David. And stepsister Emma. And Jennifer is my stepmother. My best friend Cassie died last year.

I was admitted in New Season because I starved myself to death.. I once made this pact with Cassie, I had to be skinnier than her. It led me to News Season and it led her to death.

I hated myself, I hated everyone and everything. It has been a year since I'm a patient in New Season. And today, I'm going home.

I'm going back in the real world, with real people, real troubles and real feelings.

I'm so freaking nervous about what will happen to me. But I feel better in my own skin. It's not over yet but I wanna fight for my life.

I step outside. The sun is shining. It's really bright, the birds are singing and the wind is blowing. It's almost perfect. Only you can hear the cars, the drivers who are yelling at each other, you can hear the mom who's screaming over her kid because he ate grass. I almost forgot how it felt, being human and having a life.

Outside New Season's front door, there's a parking, with lots of cars. On its right there's a park and on its left there's the road.

People always seem busy here, like they're running for their lives.

I gently shake my head to replace a piece of blond hair that fell in front of my green eyes. I take a deep breath and follow my dad to the car.

I turn the radio on and a song that is completely new to me is dancing right through my ears. It's calm but has a cool beat to it.

Daddy turn the volume down and clears his throat. I know him more than I know myself. When he does that, it means he has something important to tell me. Something that might make me react in a negative way. It surprises me when he doesn't say anything.

So I break first :

« Just go ahead and tell me what's up ? »

« Jennifer, your mom and I had an idea » he finally says.

« What is it ? » I ask

« We thought it would be good if you'd spend your summer holidays at your grandparents' house » he explains.

I think about it for a minute. I've never heard of 'em. I don't even know their names and they've never cared about me neither. My dad hates them. I don't understand why suddenly they want to send me there !

« I'm back for only 2 minutes and you already wanna get rid of me ? » I ask not so sarcasticly.

« Listen Lia, we believe you when you say you're feeling better. But with my job... »

« You'll never be here. You've never been here anyway » I stop him. « sorry » I add, « I didn't mean to be rude »

« It's okay. » he says slowly. « We believe it would be good for you. Before you go back to school » he adds with a thin voice.

« It's not like I have the choice do I ? » I ask.

« You don't. We've already been booking a flight for France. » he says.

« France ? » I shout.

« Yeah, that's were they live. » He simply answers.

I don't say anything else. I don't know what to think and I decide I'm too tired to argue or to worry about anything.

Once I'm back home and open up the door, Emma shouts my name and runs right to me. She's smiling and seems excited. I open up my arms and kneel to give her a nice hug.

« I love you sweetie » I whisper in her ear, so only she can hear.

I also wave and smile at Jennifer who's watching the scene from the kitchen. She smiles back.

Emma laughs and says « I've missed you » and then she starts crying « I thought you were gonna die ».

It hurts me when I see her like this. I hug her even more and tell her how sorry I am, how better I feel and I promise her I will never leave her alone.

The rest of the week goes quickly. I pack up for France, ask some details about my « trip », about my grand parents and I google France to know more about it. I had learn a couple of words such as « Bonjour » and « Je t'aime » when I took French class.

I should be excited to leave everyone would be. But I'm not everyone and I don't feel ready.

What if my plane crashes ? What if my grand parents hate me ? What if I have a break down over there ? Who will help me ?

I will never get the answers to all of those questions.

The night before my departure, I barely sleep. It is 6 a.m. When I get up and get ready. I put on a black pant with a plain black t-shirt, I add my white coat and put on my black heeled boots.

I have some toasts, put some butter on it and I drink a glass of orange juice as a breakfast. Not counting the calories I'm putting into my mouth is one of the hardest things I have to do. But I manage to eat everything.

When I'm done eating and cleaning, I take my bags, put them in the car, take my passport as well as my handbag, put them on the passenger sit and climb upstairs, back to my room where Emma is sleeping. I leave her a little note :

 _My dear sister,_

 _I'm leaving for France this morning as you know. I'll miss you a lot. I hope you'll have the most amazing summer holidays of your life ! I'll call you once I'm there._

 _Much love,_

 _Lia._

I kiss her forehead, quickly say goodbye to Jennifer and then my father takes me to my mother's house. I stay there about 30 minutes. We talk, but we mostly watch TV. Once it's time, she drives me to the airport.

She hugs me and kisses me, she swears that I'll enjoy myself there and make good memories. I wish I could believe her but I can't. I hate French people, I hate France, I hate my grand parents and I hate travelling.

After three hours of queuing I am finally sitting and waiting to get in the plane. I have about a hour left before I embark. So I decide to stroll around every shops.

I find a cute bathing suit, try it (ignore my body in the mirrors) and decide to buy it 'cause I don't have any.

Then comes the time to load in. I queue up when a boy just skips the queue that's behind me and straightly pass in front of me.

« Excuse me ? What do you think you're doing » I madly ask.

He turns around and smiles at me. I instantly hate that smile. Dimples show up as well as a perfect line of white teeth. His gorgeous face is tanned which makes his blue eyes shine brighter. He puts his right hand into his hair, replacing a strand of black hair.

« What do you think I'm doing sweetheart ? » he replies.

WHAAAAT ? I can't believe this ass just called me sweetheart !

I calm down and breath in before I answer « You have to queue like everyone else BA-BE ! » I insist on the « babe » and he laughs so hard that people turn around to look at him. But he doesn't seem to care and neither do I.

I put my hands up in the air and let them fall back on my skinny body. I roll my eyes up, grab my bag and squeeze it in my arms. I pass in front of him and before he can say anything, the strewardesstakes my boarding pass and welcome me on board.

I'm happy I won.

I walk in the plane until I find my seat. I am next to a porthole. I will be able to watch the sky while we're flying to France.

I sit down, take my phone off my bag and other things that I will need during the flight. I feel somoene's breath in my neck when I put my bag inthe luggage above me. I ignore it and sit down at my place. I close my eyes and think of Emma. She might be awake by now.

I can feel my heart beating faster, my mouth is shaking as well as my hands. Oh no, not now, not here. I'm in need. _CUT._

 _I was admitted in New Season because of my eating disorder, but also because of self harm. It was almost harder to handle it than the eating disorder._

 _For the first few weeks I stole a knife at the cafeteria and made thin perfect cuts_ _on my thighs with it. They found out 'cause the doctors were checking out our body at least once a week. They saw the cuts and then paid attention to every object I would carry to my room. I still managed to cut myself, I lied and said it was a cat or something. They believed me. For four months I think._

 _But then, I decided to stop it and I started having those anxiety attacks. They said it was because I was in need. Self harm was like a drug. They tought me how to handle it_

 _So that I'll end up not craving it._

 _I'm still working on that part though._

I try to think about some place calm, I try to imagine what my life will look like in ten years.

 _You'll be dead_ I think. _CUT._

I bend towards, elbows on my knees and I take my head into my hands. I can feel someone sitting next to me. Must be the passenger who'll sit next to mefor the rest of the flight. I don't even look up, I can't. _CUT._

My body starts shaking. Literally.

« Don't think about us flying off if it makes you nervous. » says someone. « Think about my beautiful naked body sweetheart » adds the voice next to me.

I recognize it. It's him, the guy who passed in front of me in the queue earlier.

I can't help it and I laugh. I do actually picture him naked and this thought doesn't disgust me, but I try to get rid of it and I succeed.

I stop laughing but keep smiling. I look at him and he looks proud of his joke.

« You're unbelievable » I say.

« I know. But you gotta admit it worked. You're not freaking out anymore. » He adds.

Even if I hate him being right, he is. I feel better thanks to him.

« Yeah, thanks » I say.

« You're welcome. » He concludes smiling at me.

The majority of the flight goes well. I watch a movie, listen to my music. The guy turned out to be named Steven, it was written on his passport.

Steven is often walking around the plane. He probably can't sit for more than a hour or maybe he just needs to pee a lot.

He runs back to his sit when they anounce they'll serve us a lunch.

He acts like a kid. He stares at me and I ignore him for a while.

« Why are you starring at me like that ? » I ask still faking to read my book.

« I'm starving » he says.

« Good. But that's not an answer. » I say.

I raise my head up and look at him. We're really close, and he is handsome. I regret not putting any makeup on for a minute.

 _Why do you care Lia ? He's dumb and you'll never see him again. Right, I'll never see him again._

He's still looking at me and I wonder if he could here me thinking.

« What is it ? » I ask.

« You're beautiful » he says.

« Shut up » I rudely answer. He sneers.

I have always been obsessed by my weight so I never had time to think about boys. I never had a boyfriend. I don't know how to flirt, how to kiss or what love is.

But yeah, I know how many calories there is in a cupcake (305 calories for a 100g cupcake.)

« You don't believe me ? » he asks, interrupting me from thinking.

A friend of his comes and kneels next to him, stopping our conversation and I thank him in my thoughts. He whispers something in Steven's ear.

He smiles at me once he notices me and adds « She's hot. Who's she ? » he asks to Steven.

« It's not important. She's no one. » Steven says.

Steven's friend laughs really loud it almost makes me feel unconfortable. Steven just stares at me and doesn't say a word, he is not even smiling. I can't tell if he's joking or not. This is stupid, they're weird. He is so moody and I hate that. For a minute he's flirting with me and the other he's bringing me down. I don't get it. I don't get him.

 _IGNORE HIM._

I roll up my eyes and go back to reading or at least I pretend to but I actually listen to what they're saying to each other. They laugh when Steven's friend explains that he just had sex in the plane's toilet which makes me wanna throw up.

Ugh what kinda girl would do this ? I mean it's a tiny space ? I can barely sit down properly to pee. I'm not even talking about how dirty these toilets are.

When Steven laughs to this story I don't recognize his laugh. Maybe I'm wrong but it looks like he's faking it or making it.

 _NONE OF YOUR BLOODY BUISINESS I think._

" _Ladies and gentleman we will land in a couple of minutes. Please take place and fasten your seat belt now._ " says a stewart.

I look by the window and I can see the town. I guess it's Paris. It's raining, it's all grey outside. It reminds me of New Season, of my parents, of Cassie.

I feel Steven leaning towards me to look outside.

We land at Charles-De-Gaulle's airport Steven takes his bagpack and gives me my handbag. I thank him with a smile.

We get out of the plane and I immediataly go towards the conveyor belt to grab my suitcases.

I see Steven walking by me, he stops in front of me, looks at me in the eyes and says :

« It was nice to meet you Lia, I hope we'll meet again in Paris. It's a small city sweetheart! » He smiles at me, kiss my cheeks « it's how they say hello and goodbye here. They kiss on both cheeks » he adds and smiles again.

I don't say anything 'cause I'm surprised. He's already far when I whisper « How do you know my name ? » and « Don't call me sweetheart ! » I yell.

He hears this last sentence and laughs.


	2. Chapter 2: I'm reborn in every moment

Hey guys ! I'm back with a new chapter. It took me a while to write it and I apologize ! But school is getting tough and everything in life just gets to much sometimes. Anyway I'm very very sorry. Let me know if you want me to do a schedule to upload my chapters ! Here it is. This is chapter 2.I feel like it's a little bit different than the first one, but I guess this is just a warm up ! Hope you like it ! Let me know if you did.

« There is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissong the shore line, no matter how many times it is sent away. »

Chapter 2 : I'm reborn in every moment.

I am holding my breath. It hurts inside my chest. I feel like I'm drowning.

There are hands all over my body, voices are whispering in my head. I feel angry, guilty, lost. It's cold and I have chills all over my body. Someone stabs me in the back. I fall in a black hole.

Suddenly I wake up. I sit on my bed and take a deep breath. Inhale and exhale slowly. I start crying and i fall back to sleep.

« Debout Lia ! » my grand-mother yells from the kitchen

« Fuck off » I moan.

She comes into my room, open my windows and look at me for a while.

« I hate France » I end up saying when she gets out of my room.

« Yeah ! Well your breakfast is ready » she answers

Maybe I don't hate it that much after all. It smells good, really good.

I get off my blancket, put on my shoes look out the window. And i see life. People are hurring in the street, drinking coffee, laughing or crying. French fashion is incredible. It's so old fashioned.

I go downstairs and sit on a chair. My grand mother smiles at me, serves me a cup of coffee. I take it between both of my hands and inhale its wonderfull smell.

I glimpse once and twice, fight against the voices in my head and eat a « croissant » it's a french pastries.

Yesterday afternoon, when I got out of the airport, my grand parents were waiting for me. They recognized me and helped me carry my suitcases to the car.

They drived me around Paris, I caught a sight of the Eiffel Tower, The Louvre and other monuments but I was to tired to pay attention. I hadn't eat during the flight and I felt sort of week. It was the first time I felt this way in weeks and I hated that sensation.

My grand parents have a nice flat in the city. It is large and luxury. I was kind of impressed when I walked in at first. My grand father doesn't speak english at all, my grandma does a little bit. She showed me my bedroom, I called Emma, told her everything was okay and I went to sleep.

For what I saw, the flat has about 4 rooms, each one has its own bathroom, there are lots of painting on the walls, and they're actually kinda pretty. The ground's in wood the pieces of furnitures are in woods as well. It looks like an artist appartment. It's warm and comfortable.

I was savouring my breakfast.

« What do you want to do today ? » My grand mother asked me with a french accent.

« I don't know. But I don't feel like staying inside my room, otherwise I'll get crazy ! » I said.

« We could visit Paris. What do you think about that ? » She asked.

« Yeah sounds great » I briefly said.

« Good, sounds great » she repeated.

I bet she doesn't know what « sounds great » means. I hate it here.

I went back into my room. Sat on my bed and went through all of my social media accounts. I don't have a lot 'cause I don't have that much friends back home. Well actually I don't have any. The only friend I had died.

I jump on my feet, look by the window again, and admire all of those colors, this happiness in every person. This is beauty.

I put my music on. Locked away by Maroon 5 is playing. I sing the lyrics at the top of my lungs, I close my eyes and dance all over the room. I put my hands in the air and shake them, I move my feet side to side and shake my butt. I bet I look awfull right now, but I don't even care, I don't know anyone here in Paris, and no one knows me.

I open my suitcase, search for clothes that are trending while dancing. But sadly I realise I'm not a fahsionista and all of my clothes are boring, they're black or grey or white, it's very simple. I know it's my style, but being here, being in France makes me want to try something new.

And fahsion is a must.

« I need new clothes » I say

« We could go shopping » says Caitlyn, my grand mother. She was sitting on my bed, probably for 5 minutes. I blush because I feel ashamed of my dance moves and my karaoke voice. She laughs and adds « You're a good dancer ». I laugh too.

« Shopping's a good idea » I finally say.

« Sounds great » she says.

I laugh again. She gets out of my room.

I put on a jean and a black top, I lift my hair up in a bun. I put some foundation on, set it with pouder, fill in my eyebrows, put some masacara on and apply a bright red lipstick.

I look at myself in the mirror.

« Who are you ? » I think. I am still lost. Sure rehab helped me with my eating disorder, but no expert can help you find yourself, no one can teach you how to love yourself, how to live and how to be happy. Only I can do this. I gotta do it, for me, but mostly for my family.

I take a coat, in case I get cold, I also grab my hand bag and I go downstairs and run into Caitlyn.

« Let's go » she says, when she sees me.

We walk by thousands of shops and they seem interesting, but I guess Caitlyn knows exactly where she's going, so I choose to trust her, and I follow her. She isn't that old for a grand mother, she's probably around 50 years old.

She has short brown hair, they fall right under her ears. She has blue eyes and she wears a bit of nude eyeshadow. She also went for a bright lipstick. She's wearing a plain black dress which goes right under her knees. She put a long white coat above her dress and is rocking a pair of heels.

She finally steps in a « shopping center » called Lafayette.

I hold my breath when I go in. There are lights everywhere, tourists are buying lots of clothes. Inside it there are many different shops of universal clothes marks, such as Chanel, Balmain, Versace.

I can't believe it. Caitlyn turns around and face me.

« Here we are ! Choose whatever you want, I am paying » she says.

My eyes are wide open, I must be dreaming. Did she say she was paying ? Does she know that this must be extremely expensive ?

« Is that a joke ? » I ask smiling.

« No » she answers smiling too.

We stroll, while talking about everything and trying different perfumes, dresses, heels, t-shirts, coats, swim-suits, etc.

I learn that Caitlyn was like me when she was my age, but her parents kicked her out. They were ashamed. She said she had to fight to find a decent job. She started by dancing in a club on saturday nights. Said it was a good experience, especially sexually, which made me laughed really loud.

Then she was a waitress in a restaurant, she also worked in a hotel. Around 25 years old she decided to go back to school, and studied about fashion. She was a designer and a model. She met her husband at a fashion show in Paris, had my dad, moved in France and this was pretty much it.

I was filled with joy in that moment. Her life was full of adventures, this was the kinda life I had been dreaming of. Who hasn't ?

At lunch time I bought us a snack. She ordered a sandwich and I did the same.

We ate in terrace. When we ended our cup of coffe we went back to our shopping mission. She also bought some clothes for herself.

It was around 5p.m, and before the shopping center closed, she dragged me to a specific shop I had never heard of. Their pieces were kinda pretty.

« If there were one last think you could have, if it was in this shop what woud it be ? » she asked.

« You mean like what's the one thing I'd take in this whole shop ? » I asked back.

« Yeah » she said.

I looked around, and there were one thing. It was tiny but elegant.

« The necklace over there » I said showing a long gold neckalce with my finger.

« Oh really ? » She asked.

« Yeah of course ! It's simple but I like it. » I said.

We both smiled, the owner of the shop closed it and we went in the street, walked through the old houses. We grabbed a piece of bread at the bakery.

A couple of houses further, there were a band of boys. They were laughing and talking.

Caitlyn and I walkep pass them, some of them whistled at us. Caitlyn turned around and said « Oh please I could be your grandma ! » I laugh.

And someone say my name.

« Lia is that you ? » He asks. I recognize his voice straight away.

It's Steven.


	3. Chapter 3: One night and one promise

**Hello everyone ! So there is chapter 3. Quickly before you start reading it, I wanna say something about Paris attacks and the world events that happened recently. I am praying for everyone. And I hope one day we will all be equals, and happy. We deserve peace ! I am truly sorry for what happened, and I hope everyone is doing fine !**

 **This chapter is very special to me, I hope you'll like it ! Let me know if you did !**

Chapter 3 : One night and one promise.

It was him, Steven. He seemed surprised to see me, maybe because he hadn't recognize me with makeup on. I smile at him and he smiles back.

« I'd never thought I'd see you again » I say.

Caitlyn is starring at me with a smile in the corner of her cheek, and it makes me feel awkward. Then, she looks at Steven, probably waiting for him to answer. I do to. I wait for a couple of seconds which seems to be hours.

He stands up and says « Dear friends may I introduce you Lia, she was on my flight yesterday.» Some of the guys wave at me or smile saying hi.

I recognize one of his friend, the guy who had sex in the plane's toilets but he doesn't seem to care about this situation. None of his friends seem to care.

« Well, this is very sweet but we must go. » Caitlyn finally says, probably feeling as annoyed as I am, by Steven's friends enthusiast. She grabs me by the arm and we walk away.

« Wait, Lia, are you doing something tonight ? » Steven asks.

« No she's free. » says Caitlyn.

I am blushing. Why did she say that ? Maybe I wasn't planing on going out tonight, maybe I don't wanna go out with this guy. I mean I barely know him. And for what I've seen he's very different from the men I usually would go out with. He dares and he doesn't care about anything but himself. May I just add that he called me « sweetheart » without even knowing me.

He smiles, waiting for my answer.

« I'll meet you here at nine is that alright ? » I say, even surprised by my answer.

« It's perfect. » he says. And I even think I caught him blushing ! Oh my god yes, he is blushing !

He puts both of his hands in his pockets and adds « Well I'll see you here, tonight, at nine then. ». « That's right. » I say.

When I'm finally back to the flat I sit down and serve myself a cup of water. Caitlyn sits right in front of me. I know exactly what she is doing. She wants a story, an explanation and she obviously wants details. I've always hoped my mother would act this way with me. But she never had the time, she always had a patient to see or to call. I look at my grandma and I laugh « I know... I know » I whisper. She laughs too. « We'll cook something for diner and you'll tell me about this handsome super model guy we just met in the street. ».

I tell her everything from A to Z. She laughs, smiles and moans to all the different situations I tell her about. Her smile is so bright, it fills me with joy. This is how the beginning of my evening goes.

We eat the salad we cooked. Caitlyn goes in her room and works for a hour or two while I have a shower and spend the rest of the time trying to decide what I'll wear.

My blond hair are wet when I get out of the shower. My curls are resting on my shoulders and on my back as well. My body's rolled up in a white towell. I put a bit of music in my room. A summary vibe goes on and on. I'm claping my hands and slowly dancing while I blow dry my hair and straight them. I put a tiny bit of makeup on.

I open my window and lean toward to look at the Parisian sky. I close my eyes and feel the thin air carressing my face. It smells good, it smells like summer nights. You know what I mean ? It's a great sent, it's warm and thick. You can hear a bit of noise coming from the restaurants. The forks and knives knocking on the plates, people laughing and having deep conversations. The kids are running around, having fun, not caring, just feeling free. The restaurants are also playing some music. The street lights are bright, it's almost making me blind.

Steven's face appears to me and I realize I'll almost be late, and I still haven't choose my outfit. I pick up a short and a flowy white shirt, that I brought from home. I decide not to go crazy.

I quickly grab my handbag and go downstairs. I leave a note for Caitlyn who's busy. I open the door and walk right to the place we are suppose to meet.

It's 9:15 p.m. He's here, sitting on the stairs, his phone in his hands. He's wearing a white shirt. I bet it makes his blue eyes shine brighter. He put it over a jean and is wearing a pair of nike. I whistle at him, he turns his face and smiles when he sees me. « Hey babe you have a phone number ? » He says laughing.

He stands up and steps back when I get closer to him. He looks at me up and down. I feel naked when his eyes run around my body.

« You look beautiful Lia » when I hear those words I have chills all over my body. He seems sincere and he almost convinces me. « You're not too bad either » I say smiling.

We walk through the streets. A family, eating in terrace, stares at us when we pass in front of them but I pretend not to notice. We walk inside a bar, it is very small and dark. There are red spotlights on the walls and posters of different boy bands. The waitresses are wearing tiny dresses.

Steven's friends scream when he comes in and he pretends not to hear. He doesn't leave me a choice and grabs my hand, make me sit between him and another guy. The table is in a circular form. In front of me, there's a girl, she smiles at me.

She's really gorgeous and it wouldn't surprise me if she'd say she's a model ! Later in the evening I'll learn that her name is Camryn. She keeps having fun with the guy next to her, he's tall, has brown hair and brown eyes, his skin is tanned but not as much as Steven's skin. He's wearing a black top and a bright blue skinny jean.

They all talk for a long time, telling about the latest trends, the rumors that are going on inside their group of friends and the crazy things they've lived this passed few weeks. No one seems to notice me and I'm fine with it. Actually I think it's better this way. Sometimes, Steven looks at me. I guess he's just trying to figure out whether I'm bored or whether I'm enjoying my night. I don't even know myself.

I have my chin resting on the palm of my hand. I close my eyes for a minute and breath. My eyes and cheeks are burning, I'm sweating, I feel disgusting. I feel like I don't belong here at that very moment. Those people are cool, their lives are mazing, they have seen so many beautiful things in this world, and it makes me realize that I've been nowhere for so long. I have been missing so much. Life could've offered me so much but I was too obsessed with my weight and with a bet I made with my best friend. I 've been too obsessed by something so stupid, that I've missed half of my teenage life. How pathetic am I ?

I'm thinking of leaving them, pretending I have a curfew when I hear :

« Lia and I are gonna go for a walk. Maybe will meet you guys later » Steven stands up, says goodbye to Camryn and the brown hair man, who looks sad to know we're leaving (or at least they pretend to be!). Then Steven looks at me and his eyes are filled with an emotion but I can't tell which one it is. Whenever he looks at me this way I feel good. It's comfortable. It's that kinda look which makes you feel safe, free and fearless.

We're walking on the sidewalk, La Seine is on our left side. It's a little windy and there's a bit of rain. But it feels great. I have no idea where we are or where we're going. But the fresh air helps me to get rid of this thoughts, of this stress I had earlier.

« You barely said a word tonight » Steven starts.

« Yeah I know. It's just I don't know your friends... and... well, I don't know you... so it's kind of hard for me » I say. But I just don't know anything about the friendship kinda stuff. I can't remember the last time I hanged out with friends. I don't know what's cool or what's not and I'm not the type of girl who tells the best jokes.

« So why did you accept meeting me tonight ? » He asks.

« I don't really know. » I say. « Maybe I wanted to know more about you » I end up saying.

He smiles but doesn't let his teeth appear. « What do you want to know about me Lia ? If you still wanna know more about me ! » he asks.

« I still do wanna know everything about you Steven. » I answer with a tiny smile.

He looks happy about my answer. And this moment is so cliché, I feel like I'm playing in a romantic movie. Well, we're in Paris right ?!

We both sit on a the sidewalk and we look at the lake. I hear him inhale and exhale.

« My name is Steven Roniall, I was born in Manchester, England. I am 23 years old. My dad is a surgerer and my mother is a nurse so I've been raised by doctors my whole life. Well they didn't raise me because they were never home. I have an older sister, she took care of me when I was a kid. She taught me almost everything I know. She made me smoke my first cigarette, made me drink my first glass of whisky. » he stops and laughs remembering his moments with his siter. « And I'm here in France for my holidays, with my friends. I'm planning on having the best summer of my life. » He says.

« That's it ? » I ask.

« Yeah pretty much. What about you? » He asks back.

« There's nothing really happy about the reasons why I end up being with my grandparents for my summer vacation. » I say sarcasticly while looking at him.

« Tell me » he says.

I wish I could tell him everything, but I won't. I'm sure I can trust him, but I just don't feel ready to talk about it. It's like I can't put it into words. It's still so fresh. To me it seems like it was yesterday. I remember Cassie's face and her smell, the way she tried to make me join her in the « inbetween ». She wanted me to kill myself, and I almost did. It was only yesterday I tried to get rid of my eating disorder and stop self-harm. None of the reasons I'm in Paris are joyfull. In fact I've lived a pathetic life untill that week-end. This is the first time I walked into a bar, it was the first time I bought a Chanel dress, the first time I had been walking down Paris's streets. This summer is the summer of the first times. And so far, all I can say is that I like it. I'm feeling like an adventurous. Everytime I do something new my heart beats faster, not because I'm gonna have a mental breakdown but because I'm filled with happiness. This is it. I am happy with me. And there is nothing better than this feeling. Maybe it's not gonna last but that's exactly what makes me wanna keep trying.

« I'll tell you another time » I end up saying.

« What ? You already wanna go home ? » he asks. « NO ! No, no not at all ! » I say.

He looks at me and smiles. It's too dark for me to see his dimples but I guess them. « Good then. Follow me. » he says.

And I do. We walk straight, we turn to the left many times. We're behind a building when he asks me to close my eyes. I burst out laughing and ask why I have to. He does not enjoy my answer and imitate my voice. It makes me mad so I punch him in the shoulder. He fakes to be hurt and It makes me laugh even more. He puts his big and soft hands in front of my eyes, trying to hide the view from me. We walk and he whispers « I just wanna show you what France is about. Lia you seem to be an amazing person but you also seem to have secrets. You're mysterious and I am curious. It's like you're a player and I love the game. You know what I mean ? » he asks. « Yeah » I briefly answer. I can barely focus on hiw words, the only thing I feel is his warm breath on my neck and the fact that our bodies are almost touching. I have never felt this way before. He takes off his hands from my face and tells me to open my eyes. « I want to make a deal with you. ».

Wow ! Oh my god ! This is beautiful. Words can't even describe the beauty of the landscape I have, right in front of my eyes. I see sparksfly, not litteraly but it's coming close. There's the Eiffel Tower and it's lighten up.

« What deal ? » I say remembering his last sentence. He smiles once again, proud because he notices the excitment in my eyes when I discover the Eiffel Tower for the first time.

« We'll spend the rest of the holidays together. » He says.

The sky is covered by grey clouds but the moon, hiding behind them, is shining so bright that it's lighting up the city. I am filled with wonder, I can't look away, it's almost magical !

I feel his eyes on me. I turn my face to the left so that I can look at him. « So what do you say ? » he asks smiling, letting appear his teeth and his dimples this time.

« Deal » I say smiling.

He puts his right hand in his hair and move back his eyes on the Eiffel Tower. « This is exactly what I wanted to hear » he says.


End file.
